Chapter 12

Finny's broken leg.

As soon as we went to the stairs, the debate began of who to call at this time of night. We first called Phil Latham and then Dr. Stanpole came. Finny was extrememly calm and sat in the chair as he was brought to the infirmary. I, "Tried to phrade my question but nothing came out" (172). The question was extremely hard to put together and so I watched Finny go to the infirmary. THe only knowledge I had from Dr. Stanpole, was that he had a clean break, but a break none the less. On my way back to the infirmary, I ran into Mr. Ludsbury, who ordered me back to my dorm. He wasn't watching, so I continued on to the infirmary. I waited outside of the window, of FInny's room and heard the doctors whispering. I thought about FInny making jokes at them and I couldn't control myself from laughing. "I was laughing so hard it hurt my stomach and I could feel my face getting more and more flushed" (175). The doctors finally left and I decided to try to go into Finny's room and talk to him. He was nervous when he heard me, because he couldn't see anything. I then realized, "That his leg was bound so that he could not move very well, and that he was struggling to unleash his hate against me" (176). He was so angry he tried to get up and get to me, but fell, with his legs on the bed, and his hands on the ground. All I could do was apologize before I left the room. The next day, I had a note from Dr. Stanpole, asking me to bring Finny's things. I went to my classes and then went back to the infirmary with Finny's things. I walked in and gave him his suitcase. Our conversation started out lightly, and then he began to talk about the war. I found out the reason he hated the war was because he had asked every military if he could join, and he was rejected. He started to cry and I joked that he would mess up the war because he would be switching sides so much. Eventually, I had to go, so that Phineas could have his bone set. When I came back, Dr. Stanpole told me Phineas had died. His bone marrow had gone to his heart and stopped it. I couldn't think of anthing to say; I was speechless. I was sad about Finny, but I didn't cry, because it felt as though, this was my own funeral, and I wasn't going to cry.

Chapter 11

The book I read to Finny in Latin.

On my way back, I only wanted to see Phineas. The only problems with him, were between sports. When I got back, he was in the middle of a snowball fight. He told me to come join. Even if you do have a lousy aim" (145), he said. I joined Finny's team, but he switched to the enemies side, and mixed up the teams so badly, that we all just decided to go against Finny. It was so much fun. Later that night, Brinker came in to my room. He and Finny asked about Leper. I told them that he had gone crazy and that he cries a lot. Later Brinker pulled me aside and wanted tot tell Finny that he was different then us. I thought it was a horribel idea and stormedo ut of the room. After chapel, Finny told me he had seen Leper hding in the bushes, as I read Julias Caesar to him in Latin. Later that night, Brinker and some other people showed up in our room and brought us to the assembly room. They started to investigate the day that Finny fell out of the tree. I didn't want Finny to know that I had moved the branch, so I denied having been up in the tree. Brinker started to say that it was a shame that Leper wasn't there, because he would remember everything. I was shocked when Finny told everyone that Leper was at the school. When he came back with Leper, I started to get nervous. He explained the story with a bunch of nonsense in between. "The one holding on to the trunk sank for a second, up and down like a piston, and then the other one sank and fell" (168). This was the worst piece of information, because it was true and Finny now knew. Before I knew it, Finny was out of his chair and saying he didn't care about this anymore. He was crying and this surprised me because I had never seen him ever cry. I felt horrible and called after him. All of a sudden, we heard Finny falling down the marble staircase.

Chapter 10

Leper and I took a walk through here.

After receiving the note from Leper, I made the journey to Vermont to see him. When I arrived at his house, he welcomed me into the dining room, because he wanted to talk in a room where he spends most of his time, unlike the living room. "You aren't lost for something to do in dining rooms" (133). The way he put it made sense, but also made him seem a little crazy. Eventually Leper got to talking. He told me how he escaped and accused me of thinking he was "psycho". I did not like this word and it angered me. Leper also explained how he was stationed to Section Eight discharge and didn't like this because that's where they send the crazy people. We started fighting about this position in the army and Leper finally told me, "You always were a savage underneath" (137). He then accused me of pushing Finny out of the tree and at this, I got angry. I kicked his chair and he fell onto the ground. "Laughing and crying he lay with his head on the floor and his knees up" (137). His mother ran down the stairs and explained how he was ill. I wanted to go, but I felt guilty, so I stayed for lunch. I also ate a few helpings of food and decided that this had helped Leper's mother accept my apology. "He's a good boy underneath, a terrible temper, no self-control, but he's sorry and he is a good boy underneath" (138). Deep down, however, I knew that Leper knew the truth. After lunch, we took a walk and he continued talking about the war. He had really gone crazy. He talked about how he saw faces on other people, and someone's mop turned into a limb. All of the sudden, he started to cry. "Hoarse, cracking sobs" (140). I wanted him to stop and I wanted to leave. He told me about his backwards schedule and how he ate and slept when he normally wouldn't have. After telling me about the faces changing, I lost it. I wanted to leave. "I didn't care because it had nothing to do with me" (143). Who was I becoming? I didn't know anymore and I felt like a stranger in my own body.

Chapter 9

A few days ago, we all got back from Christmas break. A recruiter from the United States ski troops came in, and convinced Leper to join. All of us were completely shocked, because Leper was the last one to ever enlist in the war. "Nothing tainted these white warriors of winter as they swooped down their spotless mountainsides, and this cool, clean response to war glided straight into Leper's Vermont heart" (116). Leper was the first student at Devon to go to the war and I couldn't help feeling that if someone like Brinker, had gone, then it would have made a bigger impact on all of us. Whenever we would read in the newspaper about something happening in the war, we would joke that it was Leper that was making everything happen. I am honestly scared, but I cover it up with jokes, because everyone else seems to be doing the same thing. Weekends during the winter, are boring. Sunday is the worst however, and Phineas is the only one who can see that. Because of all of this boredom, Finny planned a winter carnival, "And because it was Finny's idea, it happened as he said, although not as easily as some of his earlier inspirations" (121). Also, after I told Brinker I was not enlisting, he changed his ways. He quit all of his clubs and stopped wearing his nice clothes. The carnival was a huge success and we played games, drank hard cider and had a decathalon. Towards the end of the day, Brownie Perkins brought me a telegram from Leper, telling me that he had escaped and needed his help.

Chapter 8

It's Finny's dream for me to win the Olympics.

The first thing that Finny said to me when I walked in, was, "I can see I never should have left you alone" (95). This was refreshing because Finny was acting like himself, and joking. He continued to make fun of the way I was dressed and then began to complain about how there were no maids at the school. I explained to him that there was a war going on but Finny did not see the point I was trying to make. We seemed to be growing farther and father apart with our outlooks on the war. When we woke up in the morning Brinker came in, so that we could go enlist in the army. I was surprised to see, "Phineas was shocked at the idea of my leaving" (100). I felt all of the sudden, compelled to tell Brinker that I wasn't enlisting, and that it was a crazy idea to do so. We also, after years of trying to do so, came up with a nickname for Brinker, which was "The Yellow Peril". Days later, I was still shocked that Finny was so frightened by the idea that I would be leaving him, and that he had chosen me, as his only true friend.
As Finny walked up to his first class back, he decided he wasn't ready to, and we skipped. We ended up in the locker room. He asked me to chin myself a few times and asked about the sports teams I had joined. When I told him that I didn't sign up for any teams, especially because of the war, that there wouldn't be many trips, he was outraged. He couldn't believe that I still believed in the war. He told me that "fat old men" made up the war, like they made up the Depression and Prohibition. I was mad about this, but of course Phineas always has to be right. We continued to argue, and I started to chin myself. When I did it, Finny was so proud and he told me that he had been training for the Olympics. We haven't discussed the fight ever since. It was then that Finny decided he would train me for the Olympics. "And not believing him, not forgetting that troops were being shuttled toward battlefields all over the world, I went along, as I always did, with any new invention of Finny's" (109).
After a while, I began to question the war myself. Finny also started training me for the Olympics. When I first started training, I would get winded and tired, but lately I've been fine. It feels good to be in shape. "It was as though my body until that instant had simply been lazy, as though the aches and exhaustion were all imagined, created from nothing in order to keep me from truly exerting myself" (112). On our way back from training we ran into Mr. Ludsbury, who laughed at us when Finny told him about the 1944 Olympics. After he walked away, Finny and I laughed about how he believed in the war. In some way, I pitied Mr. Ludsbury.

Chapter 7

The trainload of soldiers we saw, while shoveling the train tracks.

The other day, Brinker Hadley came across the hall, and congratulated me on my influence. This was strange, because he was one of the busiest people in the school. It shocked me, when he said, "I'll bet you knew all the time Finny wouldn't be back this fall. That's why you picked him for a roommate, right?" (79). I laughed this off and tried to change the subject. After I had had enough, I suggested that we go down to the butt room and have a smoke. When we got down there, Brinker made a point of telling everyone about my pretend scheme of getting rid of my roommate. I knew that when I told the story of what happened, they would listen to everyword I said, and believe it. Because of this, I told them an outrageous story. The joke finally got unbearable and I left.

As the war continued, jobs started popping up for the students at Devon. One of these jobs was picking apples. The only good thing is that we get paid. This year, it snowed early, and we were hired to shovel out the railroad tracks, for the troops to get through. Everyone signed up, except for Leper. As I was walking to the job, I saw Leper standing in the woods on skis. When I asked him why he wasn't going down any of the hills he explained, "I just like to go along and see what I'm passing and enjoy myself" (87). I thought this was weird, but then again, so is Leper. He also told me that he was going to find a beaver dam along the river. Shoveling the snow was so much more tedious than picking apples, and the only enjoyable part of the day was when a group of soldiers came by on the train. They were close to our age, but looked more special than we did. As we walked home, Brinker talked about joining the army. We agreed to enlist together and I saw it in a certain way. "I owed it to myself to meet the crisis in my life when I chose, and I chose now" (93). I was excited to enlist in the army, but little did I know as I walked into my dormitory, that Finny was sitting there, back to school.

Chapter 6

The phone I used to talk to Phineas on.

Coming back to Devon was weird. It felt like we had never left. We went back to the same teachers and started the year by going to chapel. This sermon was saying, "If you broke the rules, then they broke you" (66). This, however, seemed laughable, because during the summer session, we had our own rules. A few days ago, for my first appointment of the session, I was supposed to report to the Crew House. When I got there, Quackenbush was waiting. He was in charge, and something about him rubs me the wrong way, so I was not happy when he gave me an attitude about being late. He then told me to get him towels. Later in the day, we started to argue. It was mostly because he was talking about how I wasn't doing enough in school. He told me to, "Go to hell" (70). As this was going on, I realized that noone really likes him, and it has been that way since he has been at Devon. I was actually pitying him for this, but then I realized that I was really angry at him because he didn't know anything about the summer session and did not understand it. The final straw, however, was when Quackenbush called me maimed. This made me punch him in the face, and we began fighting, trying to throw the other over the bridge we were on. This only caused us both to fall over and the fight was over. I then felt as though I was Finny's defender. Because I'm the one that crippled him, I need to make sure that noone will say anything like that, which could hurt Finny when he gets back. After our fight, I saw someone walking up to me, telling me I had a phone call. As I was walking, Mr. Ludsbury came up to me, asking about the "gaming" that went on during the summer. Of course, I played dumb, but it didn't stop him from telling me I had been "slipping" throughout the year. When I got on the phone, I was surprised to hear Finny. He was calling to see if anyone had been put in my room, in place of him. He said he had been having a little doubt, and just wanted to make sure that he was wrong. "Roommates are roommates. Even if they do have an occasional fight" (75). This made me assure him that I wouldn't let anyone else take his place. After that was all cleared up, he asked me what sports I was trying out for. I told him that I was assistant crew manager and he was incredelous. It was just that I didn't want to play sports if Finny couldn't. When I told him that "I was too busy for sports" (77), he replied with a simple statement. "Listen, pal, if I can't play sports, you're going to play them for me" (77). It was then that I realized I was going to have to become a part of Phineas.

Chapter 5

The train I took back to Devon.

Things are crazy at Devon ever since Finny's accident. Of course, everyone is is talking about it with me and, "I couldn't go on hearing about it much longer" (53). Another thing is that noone is suspecting me. Apparentley being up there, does not make me look suspicious, but I wish someone would accuse me, so that I could defend myself. The other night when I was getting ready for dinner, I put on Finny's clothes, like he did with mine, and I could see myself as him. It was strange, but I had become Phineas. "I had no idea why this gave me such intense relief, but it seemed, standing there in Finny's triumphant shirt, that I would never stumble through the confusions of my own character again" (54). That night I skipped dinner and stayed in my room, feeling transformed. When I woke up, "I was confronted with myself, and what I had done to Finny" (54). Even though the two of us were standing on a thin limb, I feel like I'm the one that moved the limb and made Finny fall. It's confusing and I've been walking around with guilt. A few days ago Dr. Stanpole ran over to me and told me that Finny was better and that I should come and see him. He told me that Finny's break was pretty bad, but that he would be able to walk again. At this news, I was very happy that I hadn't crippled him as badly as I thought. Then Dr. Stanpole told me that Finny wouldn't ever be able to play sports again. At this, I broke down crying. Finny loved sports and had a natural talent for them, and now he would never play another game of football or blitzball, just because of my suppressed anger with him. The doctor told me to be cheerful and said that Finny had asked just for me. I knew why of course, "Phineas would say nothing behind my back; he would accuse me, face to face" (56). When I walked in, he wasn't mad though, and didn't accuse me. He was joking around about how bad I looked. I asked him what he remembered about falling out of the tree, and he said, "I just fell, something jiggled and I fell over. I remember I turned around and looked at you, it was like I had all the time in the world. I thought I could reach out and get hold of you" (57). He also told me how he had a slight doubt that I was the one that jiggled the branch, but he didn't think about that anymore and he felt really bad. I was glad that he was the one feeling guilty, but I also knew it was wrong. I tried to tell him but before I did, Dr. Stanpole came in and the moment was gone. The summer session is also over and I'll be returning home until September.


When Senior year came back around, I headed back to Devon. Since my train was already late, I stopped at Finny's in Boston. When I walked into his house, I was shocked by how pale he looked. He joked about it, and I sat down to tell him the truth. I was really nervous but I knew that it was something I had to do. When I told him, he didn't believe me and said he would kill me if I didn't shut up. I wanted him to and told him to because I was feeling guilty. For some reason, he wouldn't accept it. He told me, "I don't know anything. Go away. I'm tired and you make me sick. Go away" (62). I felt that I was hurting him even more and decided to leave. He made a joke by asking if I was going to start following the rules and I told him I wasn't which was a huge lie.

Chapter 4

The beach Finny and I slept on.

After our night on the beach, I woke up, and was surprised to see how gray the sky and morning was. Eventually, the sky gained it's bright colors. Finny woke up at 6:30, and despite my pleading to leave, he went for one more swim. I was worried, because the bike ride back was pretty long, and I had a Trigonometry test that day, which was important to me. Of course I let Finny go in one more time, but I was a little frustrated. On top of that, we lost our money, and rode back to the school with empty stomachs. Luckily I made it there, but barely. I also flunked the test, which is disappointing because I have a chance to be at the top of our class. As we sat in our room that night, Finny wondered why I tried so hard in school. I told him that I wanted to be the head of the class, and he was unimpressed. It was then that I realized that he was scared because, "We would be even" (43). Phineas is good at sports and I'm good at school. This angered me so badly and I looked up and asked him if he would be mad if I was at the top of the class. He replied by saying, "I'd kill myself out of jealous envy" (44). At this point, I was extremely angry and "my brain exploded" (44). I then realized that the two of us are already even because we are both going after the spot of number one. I also realized that he had gone to the beach and stayed on purpose, so that I would fail. He was planning meetings, so that I wouldn't have to study. After realizing this, I tried to act as normal around him as possible. A couple of nights ago I couldn't take it anymore. I asked him way he wanted to ruin my studying. He hadn't realized that I needed to study, and thought it came as easily for me, as sports did for him. He said I could stay home and study while he went to the meeting, but i decided to go. Finny suggested that the two of us jump out of the tree together. As we stood on the limb, I jounced it and, "Finny, his balance gone, swung his head around to look at me for an instant with extreme interest, and then he tumbled sideways, broke throught the little branches below and hit the bank with a sickening, unnatural thud" (52). After this, I jumped off the branch and into the river, which I don't understand why.

Chapter 3

The Blitzball Finny invented.

Although Finny saved my life, I couldn't help but think that he wouldn't have to of, if he hadn't made me go up there in the first place. Our Super Suicide Society of the Summer Session, is also a huge success. On the down side, every night is spent initiating new members. Because Finny and I are, "Charter Members", we have to jump into the water at the beginning of every meeting, according to Phineas. I should be flattered that I am a charter member, I personally hate it. "At every meeting the limb seemed higher, thinner, the deeper water harder to reach" (25). I am always amazed that I actually do this at every single meeting. Despite the fact that I'm scared, I jump anyway, because, "Losing face with Phineas" (26), is worse than jumping out of any tree. Finny also likes to make up his own rules, which means we meet every night, and every night I think about how much I don't want to. When its time to go to the meetings, he'll call me, "And acting against every instinct of my nature, I went without a thought of protest" (26). I know I should stick up for myself, but it feels like Finny has an in invisible control over me, and it's impossible for me to go against him. One thing that Finny is the best at, is sports. He believes that, "They were the absolute good" (27), and is furious about the athletic program for this summer, which includes tennis, swimming, softball, and badminton. Finny continued to complain about the sports, until he got to a tower and found a medicine ball. All of us decided that we should make a game up, using the ball and so Blitzball was created. To play, one person holds the ball and runs towards the river, with the other players chasing him, and trying to tackle him. If you want to get rid of the ball pass it to another player. The game is everyman for himself and has only a few penalties. One of them is that you cannot tackle with your hands and must cross your arms on your chest and hit them. Another thing is that you are allowed to "refuse" the ball, but this can only be done three times during the game. Of course, Finny was outstanding at Blitzball and made the rest of us look bad.
The war for me, is "My four years in history". Living through this, I've noticed a few things about war's characteristics. One thing is that this country is not "A land of plenty" (32). This is because all of the supplies are short, including meat. I also noticed that there are many jobs, but not enough people to do them, and no matter how much money you have, it doesn't matter because there is barely anything to buy. There are many other things I've noticed, but the main thing is that, "There are just tiny fragments of pleasure and luxury in the world, and there is something unpatriotic about enjoying them" (33). This is the "Real America for me" (33).
A couple of days ago Finny did something amazing. We were at the swimming pool, and looking at the school records. A. Hopkins Parker was the last person at the school to beat the 100 yards freestyle, in 53 seconds, and Phineas was incredulous. He couldn't believe that noone had beaten the record since we've been in school. All of the sudden, he got in and asked me to time him. When he was done, I couldn't believe my eyes. Finny had beaten the record by .7 seconds. When I told him we could come back tomorrow with the official timekeepers, he told me he didn't want to. When he first told me this, I couldn't believe what he was saying. Now that I think about it, however, I think that he was scared that if his name went up on the board, someone else might be able to beat him, and he wouldn't be the best anymore. He also said, "Swimming in pools is screwy anyway" (37).
Yesterday, Phineas decided he wanted to go to the beach. We rode our bikes there, even though it was against Devon's rules. We jumped into the water and all of a sudden, I was brought under by the tide. I finally dragged myself out of the water and Finny came out for a brief second, to check my pulse, before jumping back into the water. We ate hotdogs for dinner and each had a beer, because of our forged draft cards. As we were falling asleep, Finny said, "I hope your having a pretty good time here. I know I kind of dragged you away at the point of a gun, but after all you can't come to the shore with just anybody and you can't come by yourself, and at this teen-age period in life the proper person is your best pal. Which is what you are" (40). I admired him, because he could share this with me, and I wanted to, but something was holding me back.

Chapter 2

Finny's emblem

This morning we woke up and Mr. Prud'homme came to our room. He is a pretty strict substitute teacher, and gets angry at the students when they skip dinner. When he asked us why we weren't at dinner the night before. "We had been swimming in the river, Finny explained; then there had been a wrestling match, then there was that sunset that anybody would want to watch, then there'd been several friends we had to see on business" (14). As he rambled on, Mr. Prud'homme began to loosen up and was slightly amused. As we got dressed for the day, Finny pulled out, "A finely woven broadcloth shirt, caarefully cut, and very pink" (17). When I asked what it was, he told me it was going to be his "emblem". If anyone else had worn that shirt, they would have been in trouble, but not Finny. Not that I feel guilty about this, but I kind of envy him, and his ability to get away with anything. Anyway, that afternoon, the substitute headmaster, Mr. Patch-Withers, invited the Upper Middle class to tea, at the headmasters house. We talked about the bombing in Central Europe and Finny started to get comfortable, so he took off his jacket. This revealed his belt, which was actually the school tie. Mr. Patch-Withers was shocked and so Finny went into a long story, about how the tie brings together the outfit and the world. "I felt a sudden stab of disappointment" (21) by this, because I thought he might finally be getting in trouble. All in all, however, "It was quite a compliment to me, as a matter of fact, to have such a person choose me for his best friend" (21). As we walked back, Finny decided that we should jump into the river again, together, "To cement our partnership" (24), as Finny put it. We formed a suicide society, "The Super Suicide Society of the Summer Session." We climbed up, but I lost my balance, and almost fell. Finny grabbed my arm. If he hadn't I wouldn't be alive. "Finny had practically saved my life" (24).

Chapter 1

The tree Finny and I jump out of

This looks like "My West Point stride"

The tree was enormous and intimidating to climb. Noone our age wanted to climb, except Phineus. Finny is my best friend at Devon Academy and one of the craziest people you will ever meet. He told me and the group of students we were with, that he liked the tree because, "It was such a cinch." All of us thought he was crazy, because only seniors jump out of the tree, to prepare for the war. We are only upper middlers, and noone our age had ever accomplished the feat. This summer I've been extremely sarcastic, and replied to Finny's ridiculous statement by saying, "Is that what you like best?" Finny was the first to climb the tree and jump into the river. When he reappeared on the surface, he said it was, "The most fun I've had this week." I was nervous about jumping, but Finny talked me into it; he was good at persuading people. I finally plunged into the water and felt proud of myself for doing it. Finny also asked the others to jump, but they made up excuses about why they couldn't, so Finny and I left them and started to walk back towards the school, for dinner. We heard the bell for dinner, and I started to walk faster using my "West Point stride," which Finny hates. He tripped me and I fell forward and he sat on my back. When he got off, we continued walking toward dinner, but I had to get back at him first. One thing about Finny, is his extraordinary hearing, which he used to dodge every counter attack I had for him. This time, however, I kicked him, as he tried to move away. To stall time, Finny started to wrestle me, and of course won. The friends from the river were telling us to hurry up, and as we started to speed up, I became like Finny and hated the "conformity" of the school. I caught him off gaurd by hip checking him, and he fell on the ground. I took aadvantage of this by jumping on top of him and wrestled for as long as we thought dinner would be. We walked back to our dormitory and listned to the radio. The radio was illegal, but we managed to listen to the news, by putting the volume at a low level.